February 28, 2009 part 2

I am starting to feel completely overwhelmed and I don't like it. I just feel like between searching for a new job and trying to tie the last strings of End together I just can't do everything any more but I have no choice but to keep doing everything.

There are so many diretions I am being pulled in and I am tired.

February 28, 2009

Happy Valentine's Day!
Originally uploaded by Lanna Grace

A day can do strange things to you.

Last night I couldn't sleep because I just couldn't settle my brain down. All I could think about was how I haven't gotten a job yet, and I need one so that I can keep paying for my car, my movie, and generally living. It's all run of the mill stuff. I know God is going to take care of me, and so these worries will run there course and amount to nothing. But either way I was exhausted all day and looking forward to a good night of sleep.

That brings us to tonight. My little brother just broke up with his girlfriend and he and I are close, so he wanted me to distract him and keep his mind off it. I was glad to do it, but it makes the mind start thinking. I know why they broke up and I agree with it. God is taking them in different directions.

The problem is that I should be asleep right now, preparing to watch my movie tomorrow and call a picture lock. Instead I am sitting at my desk, with Shining Through on TV, unable to sleep because all I can think about are the ramifications of life.

I trust God to take me where He wants me to go. He will guide me to a job or he will guide my film before the right eyes to give me a career, or He will guide the right man to me. All of it is in God's hands and I can't be distracted by what I don't have, but what He has waiting ahead for me. That is the only way I can be good as a director if God wants that for me.

February 22, 2009

February has been a dramatic month for me. I am still job hunting, working on End but yesterday was a pretty good day for me.

Yesterday, we achieved and almost picture lock on End. It’s happened a lot sooner than I thought it would, but as Bill and I were going over and fine tuning the cut yesterday we realized that we are both really happy with the cut of the film. So next weekend I am dragging Christopher (the writer & my fellow EP) into the editing room to see it and as long as nothing suddenly strikes us as utterly bad I will be making the decision to have a picture lock on the film. Exciting stuff. It means that I will be moving on to sound and music.

When I came home I watched the Independent Spirit Awards. I am beginning to love this show more and more every year. What I found so strange was that during many of the speeches this year I kept tearing up. All of these actors and filmmakers are in the business because they have a driving passion for movies and it’s all they can talk about in their speeches. When the winner of the John Cassavetes award started talking about how he lived homeless for nine months while making In Search of a Midnight Kiss…what can I say, I am a laid of director in post production – I felt his story.

Now tonight is the superbowl of my year – the Oscars – and I am very glad to be watching.

February 11, 2009

How could I not know that one of the theatres near me is not the coolest ever? Seriously...

February 9, 2009

Monster.com has this box on your profile page that wants you to set it up with your career goals to complete your profile. I can never fill sections like these out. I can't come up with a single career goal and this always makes me feel terrible. I should be able to come up with career goals shouldn't I?

I was surfing on monster today and it occured to me why I can't fill out those simple little things. I have career goals, but not in the jobs that I hold. Those jobs I hold out of necessity, they are not what I want to do, they are not what I am trying to do. In my film career I do have goals.

I want to get a film into Sundance within a couple of years (next year if I can), I'd also like to be invited to Cannes (though that is the one festival that scares the bejezus out of me). I want to get into the Tribecca Film Festival. I want to direct a studio film within three to five years. I want to direct for Warner Brothers. I want to be slected for a film out of dozens of candidates as the only choice for a movie. Before I hit thirty I want to be a member of the DGA.

When all is said and done, I want to be a director, not an administrative assistant. So I am incredibly happy I have End, I will keep working on becoming a director and I will plug away at whatever jobs I can get until then and wait to see what God has in store for me.