February 18, 2010

This has been a week of decisions for me, all spurred by an exercise in spiritual disciplines by my life group. I started concentrating on prayer last week, and that lead to me remembering to talk to God through my day and working on the position of my heart. By the time I made it to church on Sunday the sermon resonated with me. God is good.

One thing that really began to resonate with me is that I’m focusing on the wrong things. To use the lingo of my church, I have been holding onto my film with a closed fist; it’s made me sad, bitter and upset at everything that’s transpired – work going bad, getting rejected by festivals, and the state of my life in general. So this weekend I began to pray.

I’ve been praying that I would leave the path that I have placed myself on and get back on God’s path. That created a huge peace in me. I still don’t like my job, I’m still upset END is sitting in a DVD case instead of being on screen, but I know things can change.

I’ve started to remember that part of why I made END even beyond my love of film, is that I don’t want to be in customer service for the rest of my life. I love movies. I want to make them. Desk life is not for me.

So now I’m thinking. If I was able to pull off an entire feature film, start to finish in one year then I have to be able, with God, to figure out the next step. The next step probably consists of a lot of things – getting an agent, thinking about self-distribution, trying to sell end to distributors…and a hundred other things that I don’t even know to research yet.

God is good.