I would have to say that the most annoying thing about this stage of my “career” is being so in between everything. It’s really hard to keep your faith when you don’t have anything concrete on your side.
I know that I want to make films for the rest of my life, but I have no idea if that will happen. I am going to try my hardest for it to happen but I have no proof that it will.
I have only hope and faith that God wouldn’t have given me this passion if I wasn’t meant to be doing something with it. God has not directed me to another path, has not told me that I’ve wandered astray – God has not done anything but build my passion and drive to be an artist.
As much faith as I have it’s still hard, especially when I hear my friends having doubts; I know that they are supremely talented and just need to keep trying like all of us starving filmmakers, but I can’t help but have sympathy for them. I know a great deal of my worries are easier to deal with for one reason – I have God and they don’t. When I don’t have a job that I wanted, when something doesn’t happen that I think should have, when the day job throws a curve at me I know that I’m not in charge of things, God is and that releases a burden from me. For me that makes things make sense in a way that I don’t think it does for my friends. I see order in the chaos because I see God directing it all – I may not know how or why, but He’s there. I wish that my friends had that too.