April 15, 2009

Work has been crazy lately. My day job has always been a bit insane, but a whole new level of stress has been introduced. It makes me yearn to put the day job behind me and for my actual career to begin. There’s only so much longer I can take dealing with our entire workforce being outsourced to a company that doesn’t understand or care what our jobs are.

Things are moving along with End though I am definitely not as patient as I was a few months ago. End has been living with me for almost a year now and I am tired. I also think the stress from my day job is making me take everything for End harder than I normally would.

Normally, I don’t let people view rough cuts of my films because I learned a long time ago that a lot of people just don’t understand rough cuts, they watch it and can’t see the final film. However, I broke my rule and let someone who is working on another aspect of post watch the rough for idea. This person gave me their honest thoughts on the film, and though I am glad they did (and I had to respectfully disagree with them) they’re comments are bothering me more than they should; I think these comments are bothering me because of the stress that is weighing on me right now.

Anyone that has been through film school knows that everyone has an opinion on your work, and the problem with that is that they all filter their opinion through their own artistic lens; as a result most of the comments either come from them feeling what they would have done, or otherwise plain and simple not accounting for what your plans/visions are. I got used to it quickly in film school. It stopped bothering me because I realized that until I have enough credibility to my name as a director everyone with a video camera is going to have their opinion on what I do. But these recent comments are getting to me and I need to make them stop.

God has been with me since the first day I read the script. I entered into this film not to become instantly famous, but to learn in a way that film school couldn’t teach me. I don’t need to light the industry on fire with End because I know that I am a good director with a good movie, but I am going to continue to evolve throughout my entire career – I am not as great a filmmaker as I will be in five years. However, God has gotten my film this far and I am waiting to see where He will continue to take this film as time progresses…if we ever get out of post.

“The future, always so clear to me, had become like a black highway at night. We were in uncharted territory now, making up history as we went along.”

Sarah Connor
Terminator 2