July 30, 2009

I am beyond tired today and I don’t just mean in the physical sense.

It’s suddenly become physically exhausting for me to bring myself into the day job every day. The problem with having a finished film and being immersed in a place like Comic-Con is that it makes it painfully obvious to me that I have other goals in life, goals that do not include answering phones to help screaming customers realize the problem is they are looking in the wrong art folder on their system.

I know I’ve been through phases like this before but I suddenly can’t remember when. I can only think of how downtrodden I was when I first ceased being a Page and had no remotely film-related prospects, but that’s not the case now. Sure, I may be waiting anxiously for any kind of word on getting END into film festivals, but I at least have that.

My only consolation right now is that it’s not my efforts that are going to do anything but Gods. I can’t make anything happen. I have to go through the motions, apply to things, and do the best job I can do as a director and an artist but my success lies not on me but on where God plans for me to go. Sure, this can be very frustrating, but it can also be very freeing. I know that I am not alone and that something greater is at work that I just can’t see.

Who knows, maybe I’ll get rejected from every film festival until that one unique festival presents itself and all kinds of doors will open to me and my film. Perhaps I won’t get into any but the right people will still end up seeing the film and gates will open. Or maybe there is a whole other plan all together. I just have to trust that I am doing what I am meant to do and move forward from there.

I know this doesn’t sound concrete or logical to some, but it sounds pretty dang good to me. Now only if coffee would take care of waking the physical part of me up so I can concentrate on trying to be a decent employee for the day job.