August 27, 2009

43/365 - Follow The Yellow Brick Road
Originally uploaded by Crystal ♥

I found out I am close to getting into a really cool festival…close but not in. This prospect is driving me nuts. I want to be able to celebrate and plan and figure out how I am going to manage to be at the festival – but I can’t because we won’t get the official word I’m in or not until Labor Day.

I feel like I’m walking the yellow brick road only I don’t know where it leads. I never expected to get into every festival, in fact I know my movie is so unusual that a lot of festivals won’t want it, but I need a win.

I need a festival to swoop in and endorse my film – endorse me. I need to be legitimized as a director. All I feel like right now is a customer service rep who happens to know a lot about art and knows way too much about movies. I can’t hide the fact that I need to move away from this and be an artist, a director.

If I made it into an important film festival and could actually start moving my film career forward it would be a blessing for me in every way. For the first time in my life I would feel like I was not just moving forward artistically but moving my career forward and you have no idea how cool and rewarding that would feel.

No matter what I will continue following this yellow brick road wherever it leads – and I’ll do it in very cute shoes.

August 21 2009

The logo for Bobs Big Boy always makes me think of Terminator. I love that film & Cameron. The teaser for Avatar hit yesterday & even though I've already seen footage from the film I was still excited. An excitement that bled into the fact that Inglorious Basterds comes out today and I get to spend 2+ hours with Tarantino.

What I love about directors like Cameron & Tarantino is that you can watch their films and see them in them. Every frame speaks of the artist. I don't have that yet but I am working on it.

I am still waiting on news on film festivals for END. It's nerve wracking & I hate it. So much of my future as a director hangs on this film & I would love to have good news to share. God will be faithful either way.

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August 15, 2009

Action Comics 866
Originally uploaded by istolethetv

Please, please, please Warner Brothers. Hire me for Superman. I would make the Superman film that made him the franchise you really wanted.

Variety's article on the new Superman ruling lays everything out that lets me know I could make the Superman movie they need.

August 12, 2009

God is incredible. I need to remind myself of this every time I feel defeated.

Even though the past year of my life has been amazing and I have watched God move around me in astounding ways, I haven’t felt Him move through me; this was a trivial detail until recently, when it donned on me that I didn’t feel it. This “it” I am referring to might only be understandable to those who share my faith, but if you have the same life-giving belief in Jesus that I do you have probably felt those times where you feel utterly connected to God – you know you are doing what He means for you and there is no greater way to experience the life He gave you. I didn’t realize I wasn’t feeling this until a few weeks ago and once I did the melancholy and felling of being utterly directionless set in.

The thing was, I knew this couldn’t be from God but I didn’t know what to do about it or how to get rid of it. It was like watching my life and the accomplishments of the past year and if they meant nothing, as if everyone makes their own feature films and balances a day job every day, that God didn’t help me do something spectacular and difficult. Then tonight as I sat and poured all of this lament in my diary, adamant that I would remind myself of God’s goodness to me and figure out what path I should be on – the crazy thing is it worked.

In my lamenting I began to write about why I decided to become a director; that it hit me out of the blue like a ton of bricks. My life had always orbited around movies, even making movies, but it took God to lift the veil off my eyes and show me what I had already been doing for years. I prayed over it for a long time before I even told the people closest to me that I wanted to direct and then I gauged their reactions and while no one seemed to expect my announcement it didn’t shock anyone – my friends and family saw it in me. I never wavered because I knew it was from God.

Tonight I remembered. I am on the path God wants me on. I may not know how God plans on getting me to the end game of being a professional director, but I know the why. God wants me to be a director for His glory. To fufill His purposes and because He gave me this talent, drive and passion. I just have to keep pushing forward and know that He will be with me.

August 5 2009

Today HR decided as part of their morale booster program to make it "disco wednesday" & pipe disco music into the break areas. If you can't tell from the pictures none of us have our morale boosted.

What is fun today is I am getting Leopard & CS4 added to my mac here. I really want a mac at home! I loathe cutting video on pc.

I am trying to be more positive with the day job because I know I am not being stagnant. I barely finished post-production 2 months ago & am submitting to film festivals. It's disheartening to not get into fests but I know there is a long road ahead of me and I am willing to take it.

Until I can give this up I will grin & bear the day job.