March 30, 2009

The future is a funny thing.

When I look ahead I can't see anything clearly, it's a big blank slate and yet at the same time my movie is all I can see.

It's fruitless to want answers because the answers would take all the thrill and anticipation out of the waiting, and yet the waiting can get on your nerves so badly that all you want is for the answers to come. It's a gloriously hideous catch-22.

One day all the waiting, all the questioning, all the long nights and frusturating moments will all be worth it. One way or another, God delivers and makes all things good or bad, perfect for His plan.

March 27, 2009

Ambition
Originally uploaded by Slavin@

I feel like I complain a lot but I am going to do it again. It would be really nice if my day job and my career ambition were the same thing. That would make life a heck of a lot easier. I don't want my office job to become my career ambition, quite the opposite. I finally want to be able to be a full time director.

I cannot wait for that day. How I will praise God when that happens.

I know that this happening will not suddenly perfect my life. But it will still be a step in the right direction.

March 24, 2009

Well, life is mostly resuming as it was before I was laid off. I suppose that is a good thing.

Work still sucks, but there seems to be some things in place that may help it get better - good thing too. That's not to say that I don't sit at work everyday wishing that I was actually on set or somehow working on my movie; I do sit at work and wish that, I'm just wishing that while I do the three million little tasks that keep popping up.

I have officially booked Comic-Con for this year. Lucky thing too - you'll see in the image with this post that the four day passes are sold out - I literally bought my four day pass the day before they sold out. That was a good break. I bought it before my first paycheck because I didn't want to risk it. Last Thursday I booked our hotel too. I am not thrilled that we are staying in hotel circle instead of downtown, but I will survive. I'll think up a new plan for next year (you know besides being on the road to being a recognized filmmaker and getting an official Con hotel room because I am just that cool).

I am still wrangling through headshots that Regan took for End cast and crew members to pick the ones that the cast & crew get to choose from, this is actually harder than it seems. I am also preparing for a spotting session with the composer Christy. I basically know where I want all the music to go, but I need to rewatch End with that in mind. I just really don't want to get tired of watching the movie, I am trying to stay fresh.

All in all stuff would be pretty good right now if I weren't sick and unable to call in because my boss is on vacation. Ugh.

March 16, 2009

So I am a member of the work force again. It was strange being back at the same old job, but have had things around me change. They’ve gone paperless, one of the ladies from IT who was laid off was brought back with me and she’s now another art coordinator, and I’m not back on the phones yet (thank God for small blessings).

The sad part is the whole time I was at work the only place I wanted to be was working on a movie.

While I was laid off I really did live for my movie on a day to day basis. I was watching a ton of movie for inspiration, I was working on post at any time of day – it was fabulous – the only bad part was not getting paid for it. I think it’s going to make working at the day job even harder, but I am hoping that it gives me more motivation.

Yesterday I went to Disneyland and among the many things I did on my last day as an unemployed woman was to buy a caramel apple. Disney makes really good ones. I decided to have it as desert after work; so I spent my night watching really good TV while eating my apple.

Back to work tomorrow, and hopefully it’s one day closer to being paid for directing.

March 14, 2009 - II

Originally uploaded by juan-fotos

So I have a confession to make. I have been stalking Jon Favreau on Twitter. I couldn’t figure out why until this afternoon.

I guess it all falls back on the exact reason I became so obsessed with Iron Mansince May; where Jon Favreau is in his career right now is where I desperately hope to be with my directing career in not too many years. He’s flying high on Iron Man fame and a string of good films before that & he’s been twittering about pre-production and being at SXSW as well. It’s where I want to be – you know – just with my movies.

The thing is my desire to direct is the passion of my life; I want to be on set, working with actors and crew, doing press for my movies, and everything else that comes along with it. I cannot wait to send End to film festivals, and I can only hope the ones that we get into that I will get to see people be excited about my movie, I want to be on a panel with people asking questions about my film, excited to see what is going to come from me next. I desperately hope that God has all of that in store for me.

Having such a passion and drive for what I want to do is essential because I can’t push as hard as I need to if I don’t have the desire but it makes working at a day job really hard. It’s even stranger that I am going back to work at the company that laid me off. I thought that chapter of my life was closed but apparently it’s not; I can’t be bitter about it though. This company gave me the emotional and monetary capability to make my movie, to push forward so I won’t be bitter about that.

It’s still a new chapter in my life. Maybe God has something new in store for me here. I don’t think that I will be immediately at Jon Favreau status, but maybe I can at least get him to follow me on Twitter.

Mrach 14, 2009

Day 99: Waiting...
Originally uploaded by jocieposse (aka skid ho)

I deided that I am going back to my old job; I said I wouldn't when they laid me off but that was over a month ago and I haven't been able to get anything since I left - even an interview, much less a job offer and let's face it, I'd love not to be materialistic but money is required to survive.

On the up side I will be getting a pay check again soon! I decided I am going shopping when I get it, partly because I do need new work clothes but I also want to add at least one more great pair of shoes to my collection. I ended up at shoe stores today and I really wanted to buy some but I was a good girl.

March 12, 2009

Если в нетрезвом виде
Originally uploaded by Anykeen

So if you were laid off, spent more than a month searching for jobs and out of the blue the company that laid you off called you and offered your job back what would you do?

On the plus side, you know the pay is decent, the people are cool and you know the work even if it wasn’t your favorite.

On the negative side this company already laid you off once so who’s to say they won’t do it again? It’s true that anyone could lay you off if you get hired, but are you stupid for doing it twice with the same company?

The bottom line is that taking back the job won’t stop you from pursuing your actual goals (in my case filmmaking) so do you take the job? How do you know this is what God actually wants you to do? What do you do if it crumbles around you again?

This is the actual situation I have been posed with.

March 4, 2009

I so need a post-production coordinator right now, but it's simply not in the cards because of the size and budget of End. We've entered the stage of post production where there are lots of people involved and lots of balls in the air, and with the job hunt and unending comedy of errors that is the department of unemployment it's more than a bit stressful. I've had to ask Christopher to step in and help out. It makes me feel a bit overwhelmed as a director, but in reality I am doing much more than most director's do right now.

I am watching Terminator 3 right now, and I must say that while I am greatly excited about Terminator Salvation I really need to pretend that T3 doesn't exist. I think that Christian Bale is going to make a phenominal John Connor, I am actually excited to see what McG can do.

Back to topic. The job hunt is really not happening right now, no one is calling me for interviews or even really acknowledging that I've been applying for jobs. I've been praying and trying to figure out what to do. In an effort to have some kind of task to do I opened my own etsy shop at mrbosslady.etsy.com; it's not very far along yet, but I thought I would give it a shot. It's keeping me amused to say the least. Now I just need a real job...